The Elephant in the Living Room - A Fairy Tale

I wrote this satire a month or so ago. Gary Faber, the Superintendent of the West Bloomfield School District, had written an article saying that in dealing with the budget crunch, the "Elephant in the Living Room" was the "Schools of Choice" program. Steve Wasko was hired a number of years ago as the District Spokesperson. He is now also a Deputy Superintendent.
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Once upon a time in a town far away called Worst Loonfield, there lived a lot of happy families. The parents all drove Hummers and talked on their cellphones, and the children got to buy all the videogames and DVD’s they wanted. Much better than giving them candy, wouldn’t you agree? They had great schools with caring teachers who were well versed on all the latest educational enhancements and curricular improvements. There was only one problem:There was this talking elephant named Garish Faker who would go around and ask to sit in people’s living rooms. There he would tell them that, if they wanted to keep their schools the way they were, they would have to agree to let children from downtrodden places like Pinatac and Walterfudd also attend Worst Loonfield schools. This horrified the parents, who were doing their best to keep their children from associating with such riffraff.The problem had to do with money. What the parents didn’t know was that Garish Faker was not really a pachyderm – another name for elephant – but rather a pachycoin, a hybrid species that had arrived from a faraway galaxy called Fakers Educatus. This explains Garish’s last name. The pachycoins were filled with gold coins, and had to keep eating them at an ever increasing rate in order to survive. The parents did not know about Garish’s diet, nor how to retrieve the coins he and the other pachycoins had consumed.Then one day, a wise old man in the town named Groggy Bitchandtelus found out about the situation and revealed the true nature of the pachycoins to the parents. But the problem still remained as to how to wean the pachycoins from their diet and retrieve the coins they had ingested. This problem was solved by Groggy, who confronted the pachycoins’ spokespachy, Stevus Waskoinus. Groggy raised a Calculus book in the air and chanted
FEE, FIE, FO, FAN, I SMELL THE COINS OF A PR MAN
With that, Stevus, Garish and all the other pachycoins imploded and flew back to Fakers Educatus, leaving their coins behind. And the people of Worst Loonfield lived happily ever after, or at least until the next Budget Cut.
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There is an X-rated version of this which I have posted as a comment.